you used to have me and vice versa.

The world turned anti-clockwise today.

and I have lots of feelings to expressed but i don’t think this is really the right place. (Though, there is this password box. I mean I want those feelings for myself.)

I thought day will turn better especially when cher told me she saw this white pigeon flying. Well, I saw both of the white pigeons flying too and they say they bring good luck. I didn’t believe and really will not. We started our ‘job hunting’ by going tampines and parkway. Totally no vacancy for students like us and even newzealand wont want us. I don’t know why I want a job badly but wasn’t able to get them. Either because I am only fifteen and the other thing is because they wanted us to work for another six months. This is so terrible. I mean, I don’t want to do such job for another six months. I just feel like working for the month. Maybe daddy is right. I should go back indo but hey, i don’t want. I hope I will not have to.

Everything isn’t working quite right for me. Like suddenly, feels life is so unfair. How come others will have something I do not have? Why others look a way I don’t? Or I mean, why not I look the way or have the things they have? Sometimes, life is unjustified. They go to court cause they kill someone but the judgement isn’t fair anyway. Not fair enough to punish the person. Anyhow, maybe it’s just my another emo-thought. The real thing is, people are always jealous of each other, hate each other, betrayed each other and gossiped. At the same time, people always love each other, care for each other, friendly to each other. But all of these always hurt in a way I never can describe. Like loving, caring and being friendly will eventually led to hurting others’ feelings. Those love just make others feel jealous, unwanted and stuffs.

Sometimes, personally, I just wanted to really be loved. I really wanted to feel the way everyone feels about me. I thought it was possible but right now I know, it isn’t really possible anymore. Especially when i am growing older, I realised, more things make me farapart and others make me nearer to another. It’s really that complicating. However, I don’t know what to say. It isn’t a way I want anymore.

Probably Father really has more things for me to discover.

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this always happen.

I don’t understand why this happen anyway but for my own personal encounter, I always feel wrong of christians. Though most are kind, the one I met disappointed me more than anything. mom told me it’s because we always put high hopes in someone that are christians or christians are thought to be better than anybody else. Yea, I think it’s really true.

Right now, I want to be somebody that will not disappoint someone greatly as a christian. I mean I don’t want to just do things because of I like them but because Christ love in me is great. I don’t want to be looked upon as a despiseable christians.

I still remember: Stepping into others dreams and God will dream for you.

This few days I have learnt a lot. That stepping into people’s dreams aren’t easy but I wanna do that. I wanna be someone that shine for Jesus. Not afraid to say He is my God or even die for Him. I am His forever.

Hmm, I am going to try. Forgive them. After all they are humans too but currently, I won’t really trust anyone anymore. Friends come and go but only Father stay really by my side (: